im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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