Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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