I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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