and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
