walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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