I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There r osticjed everywhere
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
