Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize