Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
