he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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