Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
