Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
