Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
