Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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