It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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