dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
