Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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