dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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