I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize