i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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