You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
