this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
