I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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