Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
