dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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