I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize