You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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