I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
