I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
