Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
