i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
