At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
