he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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