one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
