He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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