How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
