He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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