So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
