she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
