Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
