He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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