she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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