We won't sleep together?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
