i permit you to call me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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