i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
