I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
