the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
