he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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