Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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