Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
