You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have post one night stand depression
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