I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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