My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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