i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
