well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
