i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
