its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
