So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
