you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
