I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
