sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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