Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
